ninjay: (when you didn't answer your phone.)
jay oresorenson ([personal profile] ninjay) wrote2017-06-21 05:19 pm
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week 5, thursday

[ jay mysteriously did not spend the night in 117 on wednesday for reasons!! but on thursday, he will return to the room to find jake in it. he pauses near the door after shutting it behind him, and makes no move to get further into the room. ]

You spoke to Andersen the other day, correct?
potentite: (pic#10350884)

[personal profile] potentite 2017-06-21 09:28 pm (UTC)(link)
[Ah. Jake looks down as he nods, fidgeting with his fingers in his lap.]

Yes. We spoke.
potentite: (pic#10360198)

[personal profile] potentite 2017-06-21 09:34 pm (UTC)(link)
[Oh, Dipper and Mabel. He kind of knew this would happen but oh well. They just have to deal with it as it is then. He hesitates to answer though.] I... shouldn't. It could really hurt other people.
potentite: (jake090)

[personal profile] potentite 2017-06-21 09:51 pm (UTC)(link)
[His fingers curl in against his thighs and he breathes in, trying to keep himself steady.] He mentioned those parts, too, yes. But I refuse to accept those options, especially not if they've been decided for me without my consent. You didn't even tell us.
potentite: (pic#10350865)

[personal profile] potentite 2017-06-21 10:48 pm (UTC)(link)
[Jake listens, still unable to look at him. He swallows and focuses on his breathing, keeping it even, not counting it out because he's focused on Jay and his words but it's a little easier to keep himself calm when he has something relaxing and repetitive in his mind.]

Light's kind of a dick. [It's mumbled and not really on topic but he's thought for weeks that the Teacher must be kind of mean to just play with people like that. So he just kind of needed to say that. But it's not the point, so he continues.] Andersen told me everything, though. He left no detail.

[So, there's that. Though he's glad there's no surprises in what Jay says.]

But you all... still made this choice without any of us getting a say. You still... decided something so terrible for us without letting us know. Without even giving us a chance to fight it or try or... anything else.
potentite: (pic#11375326)

[personal profile] potentite 2017-06-21 11:09 pm (UTC)(link)
We didn't get a chance to explain everything to the twins because they were too busy defending you and refusing to hear a word of it, so we told them to talk to Andersen and listen to the tape first for the whole story.

[He didn't really expect the twins to do it like they did but he supposes he should have. It's unfortunate it went the way it did but the important part is that they should have heard the real story by now.]

But... if you don't fully understand it, you're... no more in a better position than any of us to decide what's best for us. [God he hates this so much. He wants to cry and shout and scream and all he can do is breathe and try to force his words out, to stop hiding them behind the fear of hurting someone or causing a problem. He can't always stop people from being hurt. There's too much at stake for that.] We should be allowed that choice and you shouldn't slap our hands from it saying you know better, saying you're prepared, because none of you are, either. If it's raging against nothing and I wind up dead, well, at least I tried to find an alternative. I'd much rather be dead than to build a life on the sacrifices of everyone here.
potentite: (pic#11375325)

[personal profile] potentite 2017-06-21 11:45 pm (UTC)(link)
[It hurts and he hates it, wanting more than ever to just stop. Stop everything. Not to die, just to freeze time or cease existing or just something to allow him to run away. God he can't wait to cry. It's almost impossible not to do it right now. There's so much he wants to say and it probably doesn't matter anyway. But he really can't let himself despair or fear. He can't run away. He knows Jay wouldn't understand that and that more than anything is what hurts him.]

Whatever happens, we'll decide it together. No one should have their choices taken for them.
potentite: (pic#11375307)

[personal profile] potentite 2017-06-22 12:13 am (UTC)(link)
[And this time, Jake smiles a little. His anger and fear and pain aren't gone, just rearranged.]

Andersen is a total dick, that's true and fair. He spent half our sewer adventure insulting me. And... I love him. [It must sound stupid. He knows it does. But explaining it would take too long. He can't even begin to put it all into words.] He's a wonderful friend. He cares deeply about everyone, even people who probably don't deserve it. And he knew we deserved this choice. If you were going to tell us, you should have done it before you even decided to murder this week.

[He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck with a shaky hand.] I don't think there's a pleasant way to end this, though. I'm not a complete moron. I'm going to die here and remain here most likely. But that doesn't preclude deciding what is right for us all, deciding what we can do together. That's the least we should be allowed.
potentite: (pic#10360195)

[personal profile] potentite 2017-06-22 01:26 am (UTC)(link)
[Jake sees it differently but he doesn't think he can convince Jay of that. It's frustrating for him, too, but he's resigned.]

...I don't think you're trying to be cruel. And I don't think you're trying to hurt us. I don't hate you for any of this.

[He just wants him to know that, no matter how he's feeling right now. That much is true.]