ninjay | week 5, thursday

[Ah. Jake looks down as he nods, fidgeting with his fingers in his lap.]

Yes. We spoke.

[ he folds his arm and leans against the doorframe. ]

Can you tell me exactly what he said? I already spoke to Mabel and Dipper about it, but they spent most of the time screaming at me so I didn't get an exact picture of everything Andersen told and omitted.

[ the twins jumped him, fam ]

[Oh, Dipper and Mabel. He kind of knew this would happen but oh well. They just have to deal with it as it is then. He hesitates to answer though.] I... shouldn't. It could really hurt other people.

Ah, well then I'll just go with what I know then. Let's see... he said that we, the Hunters, have teamed up with the Prophets to kill everyone. He also said that we came up with all sorts of nasty plans on our own, like killing you to make Dirk an easier target. Now this next part is a wild guess, but I bet he said something like... hm, he found this all out on his own? He overheard it somehow? Perhaps he's saying he got the information from his useful tape recorder?

[ jay shrugs. ]

So. Did he mention that if we had killed Mira, Tsurugi, and Girge, and ended the game early, that everyone who had already died would be stuck here for all of eternity, living in agony? What about the reason for the forty-one freezers? Of how that, after killing everyone down to the final three, one person has to make a deal to stay as an Innkeeper like Craftly in order to send everyone else home? That those are our only two options regarding ending this game?

[His fingers curl in against his thighs and he breathes in, trying to keep himself steady.] He mentioned those parts, too, yes. But I refuse to accept those options, especially not if they've been decided for me without my consent. You didn't even tell us.

They are the only options, Jake. We have tried to figure out other ways to get out of this game, but there are none. I assure you that trying to fight that is just going to get you nowhere.

[ he sounds like he already had this argument. ]

I'll start from the beginning. Yukina, Kaito, and I were given the role of Hunters during our first Monday here. We were told that in order to end the game early, we had to find and kill the three Prophets who sold their souls to the Unclean. To do so, we were given the ability to either arm someone or check them, every Monday. Checking means we'd discover if they were Prophet as well as their roles. We weren't allowed to do so our first week here, but the second week and third weeks we found out that Light and Kaiba were innocent. The fourth week, we found out Girge was a Prophet.

[ and this is where it gets messy. ] The reason why we didn't let everyone know right away about what was going on is because we were a secret group. The Hunters are not a part of this game, Jake. Craftly created us to fight against the system, and the Prophets didn't know about us. it would have been stupid if we told people that we were a thing and killed our advantage. But then, our trip to the library tipped off the Unclean about us. Which is why we were finally able to send a note. We wanted to confirm with you all that Mira was a part of a group, but we weren't expecting them to actually reply to us. And in their responses, they left us a... hint, I guess? [ he frowns. ] Light is the Teacher. We told him and Kaiba about our identities, and they agreed to help us. And after that, we went and met with Girge to get information out of him. Once we locate a Prophet, we aren't allowed to kill them until the following week, or we can get them executed at a trial, so we figured that would be our best chance at finding out what he they were hinting at us.

[ at this, jay finally moves from the spot at the door and sits on his own bed, positioning himself at the very edge in case he needs to get up and leave quickly. ]

We found out about the deal, and we confirmed it with Craftly. After a long discussion, we came to the conclusion that only sending the living back to their worlds was unacceptable, so we met with Girge again late on Friday to ask for an alliance. That's when Tsurugi revealed himself to us. On Monday, we told Andersen of our plan and he agreed to help us. He even gave us the helpful tip of killing you first.

[Jake listens, still unable to look at him. He swallows and focuses on his breathing, keeping it even, not counting it out because he's focused on Jay and his words but it's a little easier to keep himself calm when he has something relaxing and repetitive in his mind.]

Light's kind of a dick. [It's mumbled and not really on topic but he's thought for weeks that the Teacher must be kind of mean to just play with people like that. So he just kind of needed to say that. But it's not the point, so he continues.] Andersen told me everything, though. He left no detail.

[So, there's that. Though he's glad there's no surprises in what Jay says.]

But you all... still made this choice without any of us getting a say. You still... decided something so terrible for us without letting us know. Without even giving us a chance to fight it or try or... anything else.

Then perhaps you should have explained everything to the twins better because they were surprised by at least half of what I just said. If you're going to tell everyone, make sure they understand what's going on.

[ his tone is harsh. he also ignores the light comment since there is, actually, an explanation for that, but that's not important. ]

And what exactly are you going to fight, Jake? You either abandon the dead, or you die to be revived later on and go home. I'm not saying what we chose to do isn't cruel. It is, and I do not expect to live past this weekend because of it. But no matter what, you are still going to have to die in the end, and one person will have to choose to stay behind. And none of you are even slightly prepared for that. [ a pause. ] And us telling you about it beforehand still wouldn't have prepared you. We don't even fully understand the scope of the deal, but we know more of what we're getting into because of our experiences with Craftly and dealing with the Unclean. Giving you a summary will not be enough, no matter how long of a conversation it is.

We didn't get a chance to explain everything to the twins because they were too busy defending you and refusing to hear a word of it, so we told them to talk to Andersen and listen to the tape first for the whole story.

[He didn't really expect the twins to do it like they did but he supposes he should have. It's unfortunate it went the way it did but the important part is that they should have heard the real story by now.]

But... if you don't fully understand it, you're... no more in a better position than any of us to decide what's best for us. [God he hates this so much. He wants to cry and shout and scream and all he can do is breathe and try to force his words out, to stop hiding them behind the fear of hurting someone or causing a problem. He can't always stop people from being hurt. There's too much at stake for that.] We should be allowed that choice and you shouldn't slap our hands from it saying you know better, saying you're prepared, because none of you are, either. If it's raging against nothing and I wind up dead, well, at least I tried to find an alternative. I'd much rather be dead than to build a life on the sacrifices of everyone here.

You won't just be dead, you'll be stuck suffering here for all eternity! So sorry if I felt that was unacceptable. But you're all completely free to kill the five of us on Saturday and just end the game. Enjoy going home.

[ he gets up and moves to the door, and then stops. ]

I am in a better position than you because I have actually sat and spoken to Craftly. While you all only see another enemy or cog in the machine for this game, I've seen what he really is. Us. He is the final decision we need to make to send everyone home. And I have seen how absolutely miserable he is, every single day, and how he wants to die. And I decided to accept that for myself to send the rest of you back. Yukina and Kaito did as well. The person who wrote that note asked if we thought we were heroes. Mabel and Dipper said the same to me as well. But we're not, Jake. We are stupid, absurd people who have made a lot of mistakes that brought us to this point. I don't blame you for hating us, and I won't blame you for whatever you decide to do to us in the next few days. But if you ignore our warnings that there is no other way, and none of you take the deal at the end, then that is the absolute most selfish, horrible thing you could do.

[It hurts and he hates it, wanting more than ever to just stop. Stop everything. Not to die, just to freeze time or cease existing or just something to allow him to run away. God he can't wait to cry. It's almost impossible not to do it right now. There's so much he wants to say and it probably doesn't matter anyway. But he really can't let himself despair or fear. He can't run away. He knows Jay wouldn't understand that and that more than anything is what hurts him.]

Whatever happens, we'll decide it together. No one should have their choices taken for them.

You know, we were actually planning on telling people. It's why we involved Andersen in the first place. Mira was even going to spread the info around to the other dead so they can inform everyone with hauntings, because there was the very real chance of none of you believing us if we told you ourselves.

[ just like how none of them are believing that there's no other way out of the game. ]

But Andersen decided on his own to out us anyway, despite knowing we wanted to reach out soon. I don't know his reasons, but I can promise you it wasn't to give you all the choice to decide for yourselves. And even if we told you earlier, you all wouldn't believe us completely. You'd all say that there had to be another way, just like you told me a few minutes ago. And that doubt is what we couldn't trust. Not you, but your stubborn belief that there is a pleasant way to end this. That is what's dangerous.

[And this time, Jake smiles a little. His anger and fear and pain aren't gone, just rearranged.]

Andersen is a total dick, that's true and fair. He spent half our sewer adventure insulting me. And... I love him. [It must sound stupid. He knows it does. But explaining it would take too long. He can't even begin to put it all into words.] He's a wonderful friend. He cares deeply about everyone, even people who probably don't deserve it. And he knew we deserved this choice. If you were going to tell us, you should have done it before you even decided to murder this week.

[He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck with a shaky hand.] I don't think there's a pleasant way to end this, though. I'm not a complete moron. I'm going to die here and remain here most likely. But that doesn't preclude deciding what is right for us all, deciding what we can do together. That's the least we should be allowed.

[ he realizes then, that none of them are going to understand, and that they're probably going to lead them to the worst possible ending here. it's a little frustrating hearing them go on about choices, when there's only one choice open to all of them. jay can understand their arguments. if he were on the other side, he'd probably be making them.

but he's not on the other side. he made a promise to make sure everyone goes home, a promise he has repeated over and over, and he kept to it. they did this so that no one else would have to ruin themselves. taking away their choice might be awful, but to jay, damning everyone here is worse. ]

Well, now you have your choice, Jake.

[Jake sees it differently but he doesn't think he can convince Jay of that. It's frustrating for him, too, but he's resigned.]

...I don't think you're trying to be cruel. And I don't think you're trying to hurt us. I don't hate you for any of this.

[He just wants him to know that, no matter how he's feeling right now. That much is true.]

[ he looks at jake, and for a second it seems like he's going to say something in response to what jake just said.

he decides against it. ]

You all really should have just let us make the deal in the end. See you at the trial, Jake.

[ and with that, he leaves the room. ]

week 5, thursday

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