week 5, thursday

[ninjay]

[ jay mysteriously did not spend the night in 117 on wednesday for reasons!! but on thursday, he will return to the room to find jake in it. he pauses near the door after shutting it behind him, and makes no move to get further into the room. ]

You spoke to Andersen the other day, correct?

Comments

[potentite]

We didn't get a chance to explain everything to the twins because they were too busy defending you and refusing to hear a word of it, so we told them to talk to Andersen and listen to the tape first for the whole story.

[He didn't really expect the twins to do it like they did but he supposes he should have. It's unfortunate it went the way it did but the important part is that they should have heard the real story by now.]

But... if you don't fully understand it, you're... no more in a better position than any of us to decide what's best for us. [God he hates this so much. He wants to cry and shout and scream and all he can do is breathe and try to force his words out, to stop hiding them behind the fear of hurting someone or causing a problem. He can't always stop people from being hurt. There's too much at stake for that.] We should be allowed that choice and you shouldn't slap our hands from it saying you know better, saying you're prepared, because none of you are, either. If it's raging against nothing and I wind up dead, well, at least I tried to find an alternative. I'd much rather be dead than to build a life on the sacrifices of everyone here.

[ninjay]

You won't just be dead, you'll be stuck suffering here for all eternity! So sorry if I felt that was unacceptable. But you're all completely free to kill the five of us on Saturday and just end the game. Enjoy going home.

[ he gets up and moves to the door, and then stops. ]

I am in a better position than you because I have actually sat and spoken to Craftly. While you all only see another enemy or cog in the machine for this game, I've seen what he really is. Us. He is the final decision we need to make to send everyone home. And I have seen how absolutely miserable he is, every single day, and how he wants to die. And I decided to accept that for myself to send the rest of you back. Yukina and Kaito did as well. The person who wrote that note asked if we thought we were heroes. Mabel and Dipper said the same to me as well. But we're not, Jake. We are stupid, absurd people who have made a lot of mistakes that brought us to this point. I don't blame you for hating us, and I won't blame you for whatever you decide to do to us in the next few days. But if you ignore our warnings that there is no other way, and none of you take the deal at the end, then that is the absolute most selfish, horrible thing you could do.

[potentite]

[It hurts and he hates it, wanting more than ever to just stop. Stop everything. Not to die, just to freeze time or cease existing or just something to allow him to run away. God he can't wait to cry. It's almost impossible not to do it right now. There's so much he wants to say and it probably doesn't matter anyway. But he really can't let himself despair or fear. He can't run away. He knows Jay wouldn't understand that and that more than anything is what hurts him.]

Whatever happens, we'll decide it together. No one should have their choices taken for them.

[ninjay]

You know, we were actually planning on telling people. It's why we involved Andersen in the first place. Mira was even going to spread the info around to the other dead so they can inform everyone with hauntings, because there was the very real chance of none of you believing us if we told you ourselves.

[ just like how none of them are believing that there's no other way out of the game. ]

But Andersen decided on his own to out us anyway, despite knowing we wanted to reach out soon. I don't know his reasons, but I can promise you it wasn't to give you all the choice to decide for yourselves. And even if we told you earlier, you all wouldn't believe us completely. You'd all say that there had to be another way, just like you told me a few minutes ago. And that doubt is what we couldn't trust. Not you, but your stubborn belief that there is a pleasant way to end this. That is what's dangerous.

[potentite]

[And this time, Jake smiles a little. His anger and fear and pain aren't gone, just rearranged.]

Andersen is a total dick, that's true and fair. He spent half our sewer adventure insulting me. And... I love him. [It must sound stupid. He knows it does. But explaining it would take too long. He can't even begin to put it all into words.] He's a wonderful friend. He cares deeply about everyone, even people who probably don't deserve it. And he knew we deserved this choice. If you were going to tell us, you should have done it before you even decided to murder this week.

[He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck with a shaky hand.] I don't think there's a pleasant way to end this, though. I'm not a complete moron. I'm going to die here and remain here most likely. But that doesn't preclude deciding what is right for us all, deciding what we can do together. That's the least we should be allowed.

[ninjay]

[ he realizes then, that none of them are going to understand, and that they're probably going to lead them to the worst possible ending here. it's a little frustrating hearing them go on about choices, when there's only one choice open to all of them. jay can understand their arguments. if he were on the other side, he'd probably be making them.

but he's not on the other side. he made a promise to make sure everyone goes home, a promise he has repeated over and over, and he kept to it. they did this so that no one else would have to ruin themselves. taking away their choice might be awful, but to jay, damning everyone here is worse. ]

Well, now you have your choice, Jake.

[potentite]

[Jake sees it differently but he doesn't think he can convince Jay of that. It's frustrating for him, too, but he's resigned.]

...I don't think you're trying to be cruel. And I don't think you're trying to hurt us. I don't hate you for any of this.

[He just wants him to know that, no matter how he's feeling right now. That much is true.]

[ninjay]

[ he looks at jake, and for a second it seems like he's going to say something in response to what jake just said.

he decides against it. ]

You all really should have just let us make the deal in the end. See you at the trial, Jake.

[ and with that, he leaves the room. ]