ninjay | week 3, sunday

[Wow rude they aren't going to make out right away probably maybe. Okay that was fair of Jay to wonder. Jake is tired and flopped over on the bed.]

I... I'm fi— [But he stops, because Jay is smarter than that and he doesn't deserve an absentminded lie.] ...I don't know. I've never killed someone. Even if she was a fiend...

It doesn't matter if she deserved it, it's still taking a life, correct?

[ he pauses, then shakes his head. ]

Do you regret volunteering?

[He bites his lip, thinking.] A little. But... the younger ones would have had a difficult time with it, um, well, strength wise. [Sawing through bone and cutting through someone as thick as a neck? Not easy.] It would have drawn it out for them... Chie seemed pretty upset just to see herself on the list. And Hajime...

[His reasoning here, he knows, sounds a little stupid but:] She said she's a hero. I couldn't let someone like that do it, no matter if she could or not.

What you did was brave. The fact that you regret it doesn't make it any less so, Jake. Anyone wouldn't want to be in that position, especially after we were falsely lead to believe that executions would be slightly more detached.

[ which is on them, honestly. they shouldn't have assumed. ]

[Jake agrees with that at least.] Mira was different. It isn't... really that shocking that the execution style changed, too. She called herself a Facilitator. We should have expected it. At least we'll know for the next selection. I, um, haven't been voting for executioner because it didn't feel right.

I don't like the idea of not voting, personally. It kind of feels like you're wiping your hands clean of what the executioner is going through, because you didn't vote for them to do it.

[ he glances at jake. ]

Which, I know, isn't what you mean. What I won't do is vote for someone who doesn't volunteer though. That's how Light got stuck with the role the first week. People voted for him even though he didn't say he was willing.

[Jake flinches even though Jay didn't mean it like that. He has a lot of guilt eating away at him right now, so it's not hard for another thing to add to it.]

No, I— I understand now. I hope it doesn't happen again. I hope we can think of something. But... if I'm alive to vote, I'll give it the consideration it deserves.

[ jay can be a little harsh, i'm sorry. ]

I'm sure there's another way to do this. Everything Mira was talking about wasn't discussed in the rulebook, which means there are things in play we don't know about. That might mean that there are also ways to get out of this situation that we don't know about.

[It's okay he loves Jay anyway.]

True. I had that thought, too. But I'm not sure where to start... Craftly won't give us a proper hint after all.

[ jay shakes his head. ]

Because he can't, Jake. Craftly is as restricted in his role as we are in ours. Which is why killing him is stupid.

I know, I know. It's why I was so vehement about not doing it. Besides, I'm sure the beasts in charge would just put someone else in his role.

And who knows, what if they put someone more strict in to replace him? We will have broken a rule, you know, we're not supposed to attack the staff.

[ jay is still... so annoyed by that trial, you can tell by his tone and the fact that he can't stop telling everyone he's annoyed at them. ]

[Jake can't really blame him.]

I did wonder that. Even if he has a role, he's still a member of the staff. And... we still would have needed to execute him.

[Which Jake would just like to say that was a terrible execution to force on anyone.]

It's hard to say what Mira's motives even were. When I told her if she really wanted us to consider it logically, if she had meant to help us, the trial when emotions are heated was a terrible idea and she didn't seem to understand it.

That was one of the first times we figured out who did it with hours to spare. And yet, we still spent the remaining hours just arguing with each other because of what she said.

[ she was definitely a clever one. ]

I think... she took something from the victims of the previous weeks, and hid it in the disposal room. She said she already collected six of something, and before last week, there were six people who died.

Yeah, I... worried enough when I saw "disposal room", assuming it would be full of dead bodies piled up. Now I worry it might be even more gruesome than what I'm imagining.

[That said:] Jay, do you... really think she was telling the truth? That she worked alone?

I think she was lying. If we know that there are others besides her, then of course we'd focus our efforts in finding them in particular. It'll be easier if we were under the impression that she was a solo act.

[ after all, why point the spotlight onto your associates. ]

Even if she did those specific murders on her own, I'm sure there were people working with her.

I thought so, too. I couldn't pinpoint why I thought so... but something about the case made me uneasy. Like someone else had been there. I didn't have proof, though, or rather I couldn't figure out what was making me think that, so...

[So he let Mira ham it up without pushing it.]

Anyway, the fact that she was able to claim the role of Soldier without someone calling out her lie is also enough to cast doubt on her story. It implies that whoever has that role is working with her.

[ if anything, the real soldier could have done what akira and yukina did, and taken someone aside to tell them their role privately if they didn't want everyone else to know. ]

I assumed the same. The Soldier could let us see it and continue to cover for Mira, allowing her to kill again as she threatened to do in her letter. Though, we don't know if she was for certain part of the group of three or just a rogue element working alongside them.

I want to say she was a part of the group, simply because of what she was saying. If she was just working alongside them, then I wouldn't think she'd be so loyal to Mother?

[ maybe. who knows. ]

Was she loyal, though? [He frowns.] She didn't seem to feel anything. Or rather, even care. She said she'd gotten what she wanted out of it already.

There are different kinds of loyalty, Jake. She was loyal to her own goal, and they were able to provide for that.

That's true... I guess it's just hard for me to understand someone like that.

Probably because you're not a sociopath.

[ as... far as jay knows?? ]

That's true, I suppose. I know I can be a dick but I worry so much about other people. I can't really imagine being so callous. I just... I don't know. I just want to do something to end this. I don't want to see that lake again next week.

If there is another way to do it, we'll figure it out. We just need to keep searching for it.

[ he sounds very sure of this, at least. ]

[Jake nods firmly.] I think there must be. It's like you said, there are rules at play we don't know about, which means there are other ways we don't know. We just... have to find them somehow. But I'll keep trying as long as I'm alive.

Hopefully that's a long time, Jake. You are certainly the best roommate here by far.

[ ignoring the pda ]

I hope so, too. For, well, an awful lot of reasons! I don't want to just... disappear... But, um, you know it goes for you, too, Jay. I don't know you very well. I don't want to pry. You seem like a private person even without all the murderous hullabaloo. But... I know I trust you and like you as a friend. I'm glad we were paired up.

I'll do my best to live as long as I can then. I wouldn't want to leave you alone.

[ not that he'd be alone, since dirk is still around. ]

Well, I hope you live just because I'd be frightfully sad if you died. But... we always stick together once Thursday night rolls around, so...

[He's not sure how anyone would get him or Jay or Dirk but he doesn't want to put it past anyone, either.]

We all have weapons, at least. So we'd be able to defend ourselves.

[ maybe. he thinks it, but doesn't say it. ]

Defending ourselves would still be a murder, but...

[He really would not tell on Dirk or Jay for killing in self-defense so you know.]

What if we just stabbed them a bit and they were still, you know, alive.

[ TECHNICALLY THAT'S NOT MURDER........ ]

[He pauses.]

I mean, it would be rather difficult to kill with a nailgun unless I was aiming very precisely, so it's excellent for that, true.

[He approves of this.]

[ he nods his head. ]

You don't really have to kill your attacker if you're able to avoid it. As long as you can incapacitate them, then maybe...

True! I could incapacitate with any gun. [A beat.] Except the flare gun? Uh, that would be difficult. But I'm really only keeping that one for monsters.

Well, preferably you shouldn't be getting into any more situations that involve monsters.

[ don't break into anywhere, jake!!! ]

I won't! I mean, I won't on purpose? I didn't even know for sure there were monsters here until that.

You should have gone in better prepared either way.

[ jay probably shouldn't even be scolding him. his group went in prepared and they still got fucked up. ]

I had a pipe and my nailgun... But it wasn't very good, no. I just didn't realise how dangerous it would be.

Well, now we have a pretty good idea about it. So keep your nose out of trouble. You promised me you wouldn't leave me without a roommate, remember?

Righto! I wouldn't leave you or Dirk alone. I couldn't forgive myself if I did.

[ sometimes jay wishes he got paired with someone who actually seemed capable of murder because then he wouldn't like them as much as he likes jake. getting attached is rough. ]

You can forgive yourself since it won't be your fault. I'd still be annoyed though.

[Too bad, Jay. You got a ray of sunshine.]

Well, I'll try to spare you any further annoyance.

week 3, sunday

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